


my rose garden dreams, set on fire by fiends

by ghostemo



Series: go your own way [2]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Under age smoking, brams's not really in this in the beginning, but he'll be there later i promise, gratuitous mentions of fleetwood mac, lots of self-discovery, mentions of simon/cal, more mentions of simon/oc, oh my god i'm an animal, post ferris wheel bram didn't show, simon is discovering himself as an out gay teen, that got way out of hand, this is backstory for my little au, under age drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 15:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14621583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostemo/pseuds/ghostemo
Summary: It starts with the emails. It ends with the Ferris wheel.To: bluegreen118@gmail.comFrom: frommywindow1@gmail.comSubject: It’s not like you’re gonna see thisDear Blue,I love you.All the best,Jacques.(Simon survives senior year and has a really gay, self-discovery filled summer.)





	my rose garden dreams, set on fire by fiends

**Author's Note:**

> Don't really need to read the previous piece, but it would probably make more sense if you did.

It starts with the emails. It ends with the Ferris wheel.

Simon opens his eyes when that final, torturous Martin-bought spin on the Ferris wheel crawls to an end and tries to get his shuddering breath under control. His vision is blurry from the tears gathering in his eyes, but he can hear the crowd snickering, the screams of the surrounding carnival. Simon feels sick, positively nauseous. 

This is not how he wanted his night to end. 

He stands to his feet with strength he didn’t know he possessed and makes his way toward where his friends are standing. Abby and Leah rush forward and immediately embrace him from both sides. Simon welcomes their warmth but mostly he just wants to shrug them off, knowing that their love and sympathy will only make him start crying right here in front of everyone and he’s been humiliated enough for one night. 

Nick steps up, his face sympathetic and gently extracts the girls from him. Simon makes eye contact with him and hopes it conveys the gratitude Simon is barely able to feel when the over powering feelings to throw up and ugly cry are hounding him. 

“Wanna go home, Si?” Leah asks, her voice softer than he remembers it ever being. He keeps his eyes glued to the ground and lets out a sigh. Abby slips a warm hand into his. It’s grounding. He squeezes back. 

“Yeah. Ok.” He peers up at Nick as they begin walking away from the crowd, from the Ferris wheel, from the place where all of Simon’s hopes and dreams shattered like glass, “Can you drive?”

Nick immediately holds out his hand for Simon’s car keys, nodding. “Yeah, buddy, of course.” 

Leah leads the way, glaring at anyone and everyone who even glances their way, including total strangers. And especially at Garrett when he makes a step toward them. He falters and stops when Leah’s piercing eyes meet his. 

Simon doesn’t want to lift his head and accidentally make eye contact with anyone who might be laughing at him, but somehow for some reason he makes eye contact with Cute Bram Greenfeld. He’s standing there, his brown eyes impossibly wide and a stuffed carnival prize lion in his hands. He looks… crushed? Struck? Simon doesn’t really care. He looks back down at the ground and lets his friends herd him away. 

Nick unlocks the car and Leah and Abby pull Simon into the back with them. The radio comes to life as Nick pulls away but when Elliot Smith’s voice begins to croon, Simon just… cracks. Right down the middle. The jagged, splintered pieces of his heart crumble and litter the floor of his car while fat tears roll down his cheeks. Abby and Leah immediately have their arms around his trembling frame. Nick hurriedly flicks off the music. 

This is not how he wanted his night to end at all. 

\- 

The return to school is simultaneously easier and way harder than he thought it would be. It’s easier because no one actually says anything. Yeah, they stare and he knows they talk, but they at least don’t say anything to his face. The only people who have said anything about it have been Ethan, who was supportive and kind and offered to set him up with some of his friends from Atlanta when he’s ready to start dating, and Taylor Metternich who was uncharacteristically gentle and kissed his cheek and told him he was incredibly brave. 

Garrett has looked like he wanted to say something a time or two, but every time holds himself back. Simon thinks it’s for the best. 

Bram and Garrett no longer sit at their lunch table, which Simon would think it was because they were uncomfortable with the attention or because Simon’s gay, but Bram started dating Tori Louis from the cheerleading team and they now just sit with the other jocks and popular girls. 

But it’s hard too. Someone is very adamant about writing slurs on Simon’s locker, every time one is cleaned off another appears in its place. Simon has given up reporting and cleaning it up. There’s only a few months of school left anyways and then: summer and California and leaving Georgia forever. 

A week from the Ferris wheel incident, someone slashes Simon’s tires in the school parking lot. Leah helps him slash the fourth one so the insurance company will cover it and Cal Price gives everyone a ride home, all the while shooting Simon concerned looks. 

Cal offers to give rides to Simon and his friends for the time being until Simon’s car is back from the shop. Cal fits seamlessly into their group and a new routine is born. They get five coffees and Simon is converted to the brilliance of Britney Spears and they talk about the upcoming spring play, the Wizard of Oz, and prom, starry night themed, and graduation, June 8th. 

At lunch the table evolves to include Cal and occasionally Taylor and Ethan’s group. Every once in a while Simon will catch the eyes of either Bram or Garrett from their new table. Garrett usually smiles in response while Bram ducks his head. Again, Simon’s decided not to think too deeply about it. He’s got enough shit, no point in inviting more. 

-

One weird afternoon Garrett is waiting for Simon by his locker after play practice, or in Garrett’s case, baseball practice. He’s scrubbing away the newest slurs on Simon’s locker and Simon relaxes a little. 

“Hey Garrett—”

Evidently Garrett didn’t hear Simon approach because he jerks in surprise, dropping the rag in his hand. “Spier!” He grins crookedly for a moment, but immediately it dims and he gestures to Simon’s locker. “Dude, why’re you just leaving this shit on your locker?” Garrett actually sounds offended and Simon lets go of whatever weird residue grudge he had against Bram and Garrett for abandoning their table at such an important time. 

He shrugs. “I got tired of having to clean it every day. You wipe away one and tomorrow, two more will be in its place.” Garrett’s face is stormy. Simon is… kind of touched? 

“That’s fucked.” He says and Simon shrugs again. 

“That’s Georgia.” Garrett looks like he wants to say more and only a month ago, Simon would’ve been down to really get into a conversation about homophobia in the south, but Current-Simon, Post-Outing, Post-Ferris-Wheel Simon is just tired. He’s tired from play practice, who knew actually having a speaking part would be so exhausting? But mostly he’s tired of having that conversation with everyone. They’re well-meaning of course, but it’s Simon’s existence and he’s tired of having to have that talk over and over. Fortunately, Garrett seems to sense that he’s not going to get more out of Simon than apathy and vague answers, so he drops it. 

“Well, anyways, what’s up?” Garrett asks and leans against the locker next to Simon’s. Simon gives him a look,

“I dunno. You’re the one at my locker.” Garrett actually blushes and straightens himself out. 

“ _Oh_. Right. How’s the play goin’?” Simon shrugs again. 

“Alright, I guess.” Simon starts to grab some things from his locker, waiting for Garrett to actually start talking about the real reason he’s been waiting at Simon’s locker. 

“Any prom plans?” The question is innocent so Simon lets it slide. 

“Nick and Abby are going together. I’m going with Leah.” He shifts his feet. “Nick says he wants to throw either a pregame or an after party but hasn’t decided on which. I’m sure you’ll be invited once he’s figured it out.” Simon closes his locker and turns back to Garrett. 

“You’re, uh, not going with a guy?” Simon rolls his eyes. 

“No, I’ve done enough putting myself out there for our classmates to laugh at.” Garrett looks apologetic, if a little put down. 

“I—That’s fair.” Garrett chews on his lip and looks at the tile floor. It clicks in Simon’s head. 

“Oh. You want to ask Leah to prom?” The taller teen sputters and goes pink. Simon can’t help but smile. “You should, then. Ask her to prom.” Garrett freezes and looks at Simon, wide-eyed. 

“I— can’t. I mean, I want to, but if she’s your date I can—I don’t have to—“ Simon shakes his head and grins. 

“Nah, man. You should go for it, really. Let Leah be the decider of her own prom date. I’ll figure something else out.”

“Are—are you sure? Because really I can—“ Garrett shakes his head and Simon actually laughs. 

“It does depend on how you plan on asking her out, of course. No grand romantic gestures, she’s more likely to punch you than say yes if you do that.” It was meant as a joke and real-Leah advice, but it makes Garrett clam up. 

“Shit, Spier I—“ Simon is saved from an awkward apology or something when Cute Bram walks up. Oh, maybe Simon should stop calling him ‘Cute Bram’ in his head, considering the guy is very straight and has a girlfriend. 

Simon waves Garrett off, “Don’t worry about it. Really.” 

There’s an awkward pause where Still-Cute, But-Very-Straight Bram looks like he wants to ask what they were talking about but doesn’t want to intrude or, you know, actually speak. 

“But seriously, ask Leah to prom. You never know unless you try, right?” Bram’s eyes flicker between the two before dropping to ground and Garrett swallows. 

“Right, right.” 

Simon shifts his backpack on his shoulders and takes a step back. “Well, this has been fun, but Cal is waiting for me — best not to keep my ride waiting, right?” 

The pair look confused and Bram asks, “Your ride?” He seems a little surprised by the sound of his own voice. Simon never really understood what it was about him that made Bram go quiet, but it’s whatever. 

“Uh, yeah. My tires got slashed and finding a full set of matching tires for my Subaru has been difficult to say the least. Cal’s been giving me, and sometimes the others, rides to and from school for like a week now.” 

“Oh.” Bram mutters and hunches his shoulders. Garrett looks stormy again, but Simon just shakes his head and starts waling backwards. 

“Seriously, though. I gotta go.” He hitches his thumb over his shoulder behind him and then with his other hand points at Garrett. “Ask Leah.” 

“Uh, yeah. Thanks Spier!” Garrett calls out by the time Simon is already turning the corner. 

-

In the end Garrett did ask Leah by pulling her out of the cafeteria and holding up a sign and some flowers, but she turned him down because she didn’t want Simon to have to third wheel another couple. Garrett was apparently very understanding as Leah retells the story to the lunch table, a blush on her cheeks and the flowers placed besides her food. Lavenders. Simon doesn’t get it, but he’s admittedly thankful he’s not going to be alone with all the straight couples. He knocks his shoulder against hers in solidarity and thanks. He makes eye contact with Garrett from his table and the other teen shrugs as if it say, ‘what can you do?’

That being said, he makes Leah promise at least one dance to Garrett. 

-

In history sometime after the whole Spencer and Aaron situation, Simon notices that Ethan is wearing light purple nail polish and he’s surprised by his own lack of reaction. Well, that’s not entirely true. It’s just that, before he came out every little ‘gay’ thing Ethan did made Simon uncomfortable… but now that he’s actually out and coming to terms with himself, he’s kinda… jealous. Which is weird, cause Simon hasn’t ever thought about nail polish before, much less wearing some himself, but now… well. 

Instead he just scribbles a note to Ethan on a piece of loose leaf paper:

 _I LIKE YOUR NAIL POLISH_  
- _SIMON_

It’s kind of dumb, but it makes Ethan beam up at Simon which helps settle some of guilt Simon still feels when it comes to his fellow out student. 

-

At play practice the next day, Taylor hands him a small little gift bag with a grin. Inside is two nail polish bottles, one a dark purple and the other is a tangerine orange. There’s also a little note from Ethan which just says, 

- _For when you’re ready, Baby Gay_  
xx _Ethan_  
_PS don’t wear purple and orange together, but those are totally your colors._  
_PSS pink is also your color, but I know you’re still new to this, so we’ll just build to that x_

Simon doesn’t think he’ll ever wear the nail polish but it’s nice to have. Maybe one day. For now, it just makes him smile through the rest of the day. Cal comments on how nice it is to see Simon smile again. That makes Simon blush and smile even _more_. And later that night after family dinner, his mom leans over and presses a kiss to Simon’s head,

“It’s nice to see that lovely smile again, honey.” 

Simon lays in his bed and looks the vials of nail polish he placed on his nightstand until he falls asleep, a small grin on his face. It sure feels nice to smile again. 

\- 

Simon likes playing the Tin-man in the Wizard of Oz. It feels fitting, playing a character who is looking for a heart but really had one all along. Gay subtext anyone? Opening night is in a month and a half and there’s still a lot of work to do, but running through his lines under the flickering fluorescent lights in the back of the WaHo with Cal is fun and light, and it feels right. Their legs tangled together under the table also feels right. 

-

Simon is staring at his reflection in his bathroom, decked out in a sleek tux with a dark purple undershirt. He tried on one at the shop that was a powder blue and he had sort of been in love with it, but putting it on felt like his heart was shattering on the floor of his Outback all over again, so he went with the classic black tux with a little gay flare as Ethan called it. 

He adjusts the little black bowtie in the mirror and resists the urge to run his hands through his hair when Abby spent almost too much time carefully styling it. 

“Come on, Si! We wanna see!” Leah called out from behind the door.

“Yeah!” Abby replies playfully, “It’s us girls who are supposed to take this long to get ready!” Simon lets out a laugh and opens the bathroom door. 

“I’m gay, Abby.” Both girls stop their giggling when he steps out and it makes him pause, wide-eyed. “What.” 

Abby’s eyes physically sparkle and she lets out a little shriek. “Oh. My. God. Simon! Blue is gonna eat his heart out when he sees you tonight!” Leah quickly jabs Abby in the ribs and Simon can’t help but swallow against the tightness in his throat at Blue’s mention. It’s awkward for a moment, but he takes a breath and squares his shoulders, 

“I take it; I look good?”

“Downright handsome.” Leah says and Abby nods. Simon lets out a small huff of a laugh and rubs the back of his neck before really giving his friends a once over. Abby is in a ball length gold dress and Leah in a knee length black number. They both look stunning. If Simon wasn’t gay he’d probably have been in love with both of them by now. And he tells them that, grinning. Abby laughs and Leah smacks his arm. 

“Besides,” Leah starts as the three link arms and begin down the stairs to meet Nick. “Simon isn’t doing this for Blue or any other guy. He’s doing this for himself.” Simon’s heart swells and he leans over and presses a kiss to the crown of her head. 

_For me_ , he thinks and smiles. 

-

About half way through the dance, Simon takes a break to go and lean against the wall with a cup of water. There’s only so much cha-cha-sliding one can take in an hour and a half, even when you’re a theater kid. 

It’s the second slow song of the evening, having enjoyed the first with both Leah and Abby, now he watches from the sidelines as his friends cozy up. Abby and Nick are disgustingly cute as usual, Nick is blushing because soccer star or not he doesn’t have one dancing foot and Abby is laughing into his shoulder. Leah is dancing with Garrett and if Simon’s not mistaken, she’s leading him and not the other way around. An Icon, really. But they both look happy. Even Bram is out dancing with Tori and seems to be enjoying himself. 

It’s a weird moment, with his shoulders pressed against the wall and watching all these heterosexual teens dance with their partners of choice, the people they choose to love and be with, freely and out in the open like this. And it makes Simon’s heart swell with love for his friends, getting to see them so happy like this, getting to have this moment. But it also makes his heart ache for something he’ll never get to have. He’ll never get to look back on his senior prom and remember slow dancing with his current boyfriend or date, he’ll never have that freedom. He wants to resent Blue a little in this moment, under the flashing neon lights, watching as the all the kids around him get to have a childhood unburdened by their sexuality, but ultimately he can’t. It’s not Blue’s fault they live in a fucked up homophobic society, it’s not Blue’s fault he was too scared to come out, it’s not Blue’s fault Simon doesn’t have a boy to dance with at the senior prom. 

Simon takes a sip of his water and accidentally makes eye contact with Bram Greenfeld, from over the shoulder of his date. Simon nods at him and turns away only to notice Cal, standing right there. 

“Oh, hey, Cal. How’s prom going?” 

Cal smiles in his usual gentle way, his hand coming up to ruffle the blonde of his hair. “Aside from the abysmal music choices?” 

Simon snorts, “Come on, I’m pretty sure that’s a high school dance staple. Too much Katy Perry.” Cal laughs and leans up against the wall next to Simon. He’s close enough that Simon can see the flecks of green in his blue eyes. Wow. Ok. Simon takes a sip from his water to distract himself from the scent of Cal’s cologne. 

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” Cal jokes and Simon snickers. “But it’s been alright so far. Better than expected, actually.”

Simon hums noncommittally. 

“So, tell me this Simon Spier, why are you hanging out all alone on the wall during a slow song?” Simon gives Cal a wry look.

“Well, Cal Price, pray tell who I should be dancing with? There’s not exactly a lineup of gay guys wanting to dance with me.” To prove his point, Simon gestures to the empty space around them. 

“Ah. Well. How about one bi guy?” Cal looks impossibly nervous and it takes a moment for Simon’s mouth to catch up while his brain is screaming ‘YES!’

“Yes.” Is what Simon actually ends up blurting out which is… “I—yes, I’d love to dance.” Cal’s face lights up and Simon is a little star struck. The blonde extends his hand out in offering and Simon hopes to God that his hand isn’t sweaty when he eagerly accepts. 

Only a few couples stare when Simon and Cal begin to sway together, both blushing and giggling and shyly beaming at each other, but for the most part everyone is too wrapped up in themselves to notice. Or at least, that’s what Simon assumes because he’s entirely too wrapped up in Cal to notice anyone else in this moment.

\- 

That night while Nick’s after party rages on, Simon is tipsy and hanging on Cal’s every word. That night, he follows Cal up to one of Nick’s guest bedrooms. That night Cal tells Simon he’s been a little in love with him since junior year. That night Simon tells Cal he wants to get lost in these last, good high school moments. That night Simon holds hands with his first boy, kisses his first boy, is given a hickey by his first boy, touches and is touched back by his first boy. 

-

In the morning as the sunlight filters through the blinds and Simon wakes to see Cal already up and running his hands through Simon’s hair, and Simon thinks _maybe_. 

-

The next day Simon gets a text from Cal, apologizing but his ex-girlfriend wants to get back together and he’s been a little in love with her since _sophomore_ year. _Or_ , Simon thinks again as he lays on his bed, numb and his finger pressed to the bruise on his neck, _maybe not_. 

-

To: bluegreen118@gmail.com  
From: frommywindow1@gmail.com  
Subject: It’s not like you’re gonna see this

Dear Blue,

I love you.

All the best,  
Jacques. 

-

_Sent._

-

Simon quickly deletes the account before he can see the little email error message, knowing that seeing it for the second time will just break his heart all over. 

He leans back and lifts his hands behind his head as something loosens in his chest. 

_Goodbye Blue._

-

The Wizard of Oz goes significant better than Cabaret. It’s still a little weird between Cal and Simon, but Simon’s decided not to focus on that. Not when he’s got Abby, his Dorthy, running lines with him in the WaHo, or Leah, working on set design, or even Nick, swinging by after practice to lend a hand and moan about it. 

It was a good night, prom, but it was never going to last. Simon has made his peace. 

-

His friends and family come every night of the play’s run and each performance is better than the last. Even Bram and Garrett show for each one. On the last night, Bram practically shoves a bouquet of flowers into Simon’s face, stammering, 

“Tradition right? It was Garrett’s idea.” Simon just accepts the flowers graciously, and smiles large and dopily at them. 

“Thanks, guys.”

Bram is silent and wide-eyed. Garrett rolls his eyes,

“Of course, Spier. You were great.”

-

That night Simon takes the flowers and presses them into the pages of his Wizard of Oz script.

-

“Oh, Simon you look so handsome, so grown up!” His mom gushes, her eyes wet, as he stands in front of the house in his cap and gown, cheesing for the camera while his dad tries to hide his obvious crying. 

“Dad,” Simon whines. “God, _please_ stop crying.” His dad just huffs wetly and turns his back to Simon while Nora giggles. 

“Boys.” His mom’s voice is brittle from her own held back tears as she admonishes them playfully. 

“He started it…” His dad mutters and Simon laughs, walking toward his family, his own eyelashes damp. 

“Cause if you don’t stop crying, then _I’ll_ start crying and it only gets uglier from there.” Simon continues, his voice warbling. His dad leans over and grabs Simon, pulling him into his chest. Simon lets out an embarrassing squawk but goes easily into his dad’s embrace.

He can hear Nora’s giggles and Bieber’s excited barking and the click of his mom’s camera and it’s a moment he will treasure forever. It almost makes him regret choosing to go to school so far away from home.

-

The end starts with the summer. It starts with Grad and the following weekend of partying. It starts with Simon walking down the stage in his cap and gown and purple nail polish on his finger nails. It starts with Simon giggling into a cup of disgusting Jungle Juice with Ethan and an invite to a gay club in a week. It starts with Simon actually accepting. 

It starts with Simon drunkenly making out with some guy behind a pool shed, some guy from their graduating class, still in the closet but apparently thought Simon was brave and hot and it’s enough. It’s enough to not know or remember his name. It’s enough to be a little wild, to be free and explore and get to know himself as an out gay teen without the constraints of his homophobic high school or the closet holding him back. 

It starts with Simon and Abby dancing and singing loudly along to Telephone by Lady Gaga. It starts with Leah confiding in him about being bi and being in love with Abby and how she’s going away to New York to follow her dream of being an artist and to get over her. It starts with Simon finding out that he’s going to the same San Francisco school in the fall as Cal, Bram, and Garrett, which is surreal. It starts with Abby and Nick staying in Georgia and trying to stick it out in college. 

-

The evening of the gay club, Simon is a mess of nerves — he’s so fucking excited but also so scared he might vomit in Ethan’s bathroom which will get him kicked out for sure. Which. Hm. Is an idea…

Ethan must read it all on his face as he muses up Simon’s hair, because he stops and glares. “Don’t even think about it Spier.”

“A-“ Simon clears his throat. “About what?”

Ethan rolls his eyes. “Running on out of here or throwing up on my bathroom tiles.” 

“What’re you some kind of mind reader…?” Simon mutters and Ethan tuts, but his expression gentles. 

“I know what gay panic looks like Simone.” Ethan pulls away to inspect his work and smiles. “Besides, you now look great, all thanks to me.” Simon lets out a shaky laugh. “It’ll be a lot of fun Simone. Don’t worry.”

Simon takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders and smiles back. He can do this. He can.

-

One of Ethan’s friends’ friends is this Mexican guy, Lucas, with a septum piercing and he keeps looking at Simon with these really intense brown eyes. Simon didn’t know brown eyes could be so intense. Ethan just gives Simon a look that says _‘well?'_ from his place at the bar and slides him a shot. Simon takes a breath, downs it and hides his gag as best he can, and gives Lucas his full and undivided attention for the rest of the night. 

Lucas leans over, his lips brushing Simon’s ear, and asks him to dance. Simon is sure his face is beet red, but he steels his courage — _you survived senior Spier, you can dance with an insanely attractive older guy_ — and nods, unable to help the slow crooked grin that makes its way onto his face. 

Dancing with Lucas in a sweaty, wild gay club is very different from the last dance Simon shared with a boy. With Lucas’ hands tight on his hips, his front pressed tight against Simon’s back, Simon’s hands locked behind Lucas’ neck and tangled in his hair while he grinds back, Simon feels… liberated, like nothing in this world can hold him back. 

And like his sweet, slow dance with Cal at prom, Simon closes his eyes and gets lost in the moment, lost in the feeling. 

They dance for hours, only stopping to go and take more shots or make out in the bathroom, Simon’s hands scratching into Lucas’ toned stomach while one of Lucas’ hands is down his jeans.

Eventually Ethan stumbles over from the bar and back into the crowd to attempt to whisk Simon away. 

“Sorry, Lucas, it’s time for this princess to turn back into a pumpkin… or whatever.” He slurs and Simon giggles listening to Ethan stumble over his words, no longer looking like put-together Ethan but like I’ve-been-making-out-with-a-hunk-in-the-back-for-the-past-hour, disheveled and drunk Ethan. 

And while Simon doesn’t really want to leave, he knows that if they don’t leave now they’ll miss the last bus back to Creekwood. Lucas’ arms are still around Simon, his lips pressed to the shell of Simon’s ear, his breath panting and loud. Simon can’t help but pout at both of them. Ethan gives Lucas a Look with a capital L and reluctantly he lets go of Simon’s hips. Simon very acutely misses the pressure once it’s gone. 

Simon turns and gives Lucas a very sloppy but thorough kiss. Ethan makes a weird sound from behind them when they get distracted again, before grabbing Simon by the back of his shirt and shoves a napkin into Lucas’ chest. 

“I wrote Simon’s number down. Text him. We gotta go.” Lucas grins and grabs Simon’s hand and presses a kiss to the back of it. Simon blushes scarlet and lets out a breathy giggle. Ethan rolls his eyes and tugs him away.

On the bus ride back, Simon watches the city of Atlanta pass them by, city lights and star light twinkling together and its pure magic. Simon turns to look at Ethan who is sloppily attempting to text someone. Simon squints at the screen before grabbing Ethan’s phone from him. 

Ethan shrieks but Simon just shakes his head. “No drunk texting exes.” Simon slurs and slips Ethan’s phone into his pocket. The black teen stares for a moment with a frown, but then his face relaxes and he huffs,

“Fine. _Fine._ ” Simon grins lopsidedly, makes a quick scan of the practically empty bus, before leaning over and pressing a kiss to Ethan’s cheek. 

“Thanks for tonight.”

Ethan’s face is more kind and unguarded than Simon’s ever seen it, well aside from that time in the principal’s office after Spencer and Aaron’s… show in the cafeteria. He quickly covers it up and flips his hair, 

“Don’t thank me until Lucas texts you.” 

Simon just laughs and rests his head against the cool bus window. A moment later Ethan rests his head on Simon’s shoulder. Simon closes his eyes and smiles, warm and open in ways he never knew he could be. 

-

The next morning, Simon is deliriously thankful to wake up in his own bed because he feels like absolute death. 

What he isn’t expecting when he wakes up is Leah, sitting on the foot of his bed and petting Bieber. 

“Christ, Si, you look like death.” She laughs. Simon just groans and flops back into his pillow. 

“I feel like it.” He grumbles. She’s still giggling, but she leans over and starts rubbing soothing circles into his back. He practically melts into her touch. 

“Wild night, huh?”

That makes Simon jerk awake. “Oh my God, Leah, the wildest! You will not—“ Leah barks out another laugh and shushes him. 

“I’ve been ordered to prevent you from saying anything until you, me, and Abby are sitting at a WaHo table and stuffing our faces with greasy diner food.” Simon perks up. “Now come on, take a shower and get ready, Abby’s borrowing her mom’s car and she’s waiting in the driveway.” As if on cue, a horn blasts from outside and Simon can hear faint laughter from downstairs. 

“Oh my God, my _parents!_ ” Simon gasps in dawning horror which only serves to make Leah laugh harder. 

“Si, WaHo was _their_ idea.” She swats at him when he just stays still, dumbstruck. “Go! Shower!” Simon shrieks, trying to get away from her blows and stumbles out of bed. 

“Ok! Ok! I’m going!” 

-

Post shower while brushing his teeth, Simon nearly drops the toothbrush in shock when he sees his body in the steamed up mirror. There are several very large and noticeable hickeys on his neck and collarbone and — Simon’s face is bright red — some very obvious finger print shaped bruises on his hips. Jesus. H. _Christ_. 

-

Leah enforces her own rule that no one is to begin grilling Simon about his first gay cub until _after_ their food arrives and Simon can see Abby physically straining to keep in all of her questions by the way she’s bouncing in her seat and the giant shit-eating grin on her face. Leah almost looks embarrassed to be seen sitting next to her. 

Simon is a little surprised by how empty the Waffle House is this morning, but it’s probably for the best. Simon makes eye contact with Lyle as he starts back toward their table, his arms full of their food and the pair exchange smiles. 

When the plate of waffles, bacon, and eggs is placed in front of him, Simon is suddenly made aware just how ravenous he is. Simon sees Leah grab Abby’s arm to stop her from launching into her questions as Simon inhales his first bite. 

He swallows. “I didn’t sleep with anyone.” He figures he should just get that one out of the way. 

Leah snorts. “Si, those very impressive hickeys say otherwise.” Simon pulls at the collar of his t-shirt self-consciously and glares at her. 

“I said what I said.” 

“Ok so,” _And here it comes,_ Simon thinks fondly, as Abby leans forward in her seat and sets both elbows on the table. “You didn’t sleep with anyone, but you were doing _something_ with someone. So, spill. All of it.” She points an accusing finger at him. “And I do mean _all_ of it.” 

And so seeing no real reason not to spill all the gory details from the night before, and if he’s being honest with himself, he’s more than happy, excited even, to be able to share stuff like this with his closest friends, Simon launches into the story, showing them pictures and video as well. 

“So… has he texted you, yet?” Abby asks and even Leah looks interested to know, but Simon just shakes his head. 

“No, not yet.” He shrugs, “Which is fine. Like, I’d love it if he did text me, but I’m not holding out for it.” And Simon finds he means it. It would be great, but Lucas is no lost opportunity, maybe last night was the only time Simon and Lucas’ paths were destined to cross and Simon can rest assured he made the most of it. 

Leah’s foot comes to rest against his calf under the table and Abby reaches forward and places a hand on Simon’s forearm. They both look… happy. And proud. Simon blushes and ducks his head and refocuses on his waffles. 

-

On the ride back to Simon’s house a few hours later, Simon is happily watching Leah and Abby bicker back and forth, when his phone buzzes. Expecting to see a text from either Nick demanding his own grill sesh or his parents wondering if they’re still at the WaHo, Simon is thrown when he sees it’s from an unknown number. 

From: 404-xxx-xxxx

_is this simon from the club last night?_

From: 404-xxx-xxxx

_its lucas ;)_

Either there must be something very obvious on Simon’s face or his friends have suddenly developed their once-latent psychic abilities because immediately Abby starts screaming while Leah rips the phone from his hands. 

“Oh my God, Si!” 

Simon just laughs, feeling positively giddy.

-

To: Gay Obi Wan  
From: Simone

_Thank you for last night ;)_

To: Simone  
From Gay Obi Wan

_JFISIHFHVFSKDS_

_DETAILS!!!!_

-

From: Garrett  
To: Leah, Abby, Nick, Simon, Bram

_CLEAR UR SCHEDULES!! JUY 4TH! PARTY @ MY HOUSE!!_  
_**JULY_

-

Simon likes Garrett’s house. Mostly, he likes the large pool that sits right out back. He’s also very drunk, so there’s that. Some kids have a bonfire going in the fire pit, but most of the party goers are inside, singing into Garrett’s karaoke machine and dancing on a makeshift dance floor in what Simon thinks is Garrett’s dining room or out front lighting off all kinds of fireworks. 

It’s probably a bad idea to get in the pool while drunk, Simon decides so he just shrugs off his hoodie too drunk to care about the mosquitos, and lays down on the pavement and watches the reflection of the moon and distant fireworks glitter in the water. Simon likes the way the water ripples around his fingers as he trails them over the surface. 

He’s also, a little bit high, he thinks. He’s never smoked weed before Nick offered him some tonight, but he thinks that’s what this distance is between his brain and his physical form is, like everything is coming in through a few moments late. It’s kinda nice if totally disorienting. His mouth is really dry though. 

One firework explodes in the sky, lighting up the pool water with reds, oranges, and yellows. Simon is enraptured. So enraptured in fact he doesn’t even notice when someone walks up and sits down next to him until someone’s hand is brushing his bangs out of his face. Simon startles and makes eye contact with a blushing Bram Greenfeld.

“Sorry—I thought—Your hair—“ Bram’s jaw clacks shut and he just stares at Simon wide-eyed. “I’m drunk.” He says instead and it makes Simon laugh. 

“Me too.” Simon goes back to watching the reflection of the colors exploding in the sky. They sit in silence for a while and it’s nice. They’re close enough Simon can smell his cologne, something spicy, and the underlying banana scent of sunscreen. It’s really, really nice. Just sitting with Cute but Straight Bram in the summer warm air of the night, watching the light show dance in the ripples of Garrett’s family pool. 

Eventually Bram’s girlfriend comes looking for him and Simon lazily waves goodbye while Bram stumbles away, throwing look after look over his shoulder back at Simon. The buzzing of his phone distracts him from the weird feeling Simon always gets when he’s forced to remember that Bram is not only straight but has a girlfriend, but when he sees Lucas’ name on the screen, all thoughts of Bram slip away.

“Hey!” Simon slurs into his phone and welcomes Lucas’ warm laughter from the other end. The pair talk while Simon watches the water. 

-

The first time Simon goes back to Lucas’ place after a night of dancing, he’s nervous. Like, ridiculously nervous. But Lucas is sweet and totally not pressuring about anything and Simon throws his nerves to the wind, letting himself get swept up in the moment. With proper safety equipment of course.

-

The morning after Simon is deliciously, pleasantly sore and hanging out in Lucas’ kitchen, his hair damp from his shower. Lucas is making huevos rancheros and it smells fantastic. Simon takes a sip of his coffee and listens to Lucas hum along to the 70s music radio station. The sun brightens up his apartment and fills Simon with warmth. He doesn’t love Lucas and he leaves in less than two months to go start university on the other side of the country. But this is good, more than good. 

Listening to Fleetwood Mac, eating yummy breakfast foods, while making bashful yet heated eye contact from across the little kitchen table, Simon really can’t picture a better way to start the day — can’t think of a better person to have lost his virginity to, all things considered. 

-

Simon has to take another shower after breakfast after their heated eye contact evolved into some really fantastic morning sex. There’s no way he’s showing up back in Creekwood looking like he’s doing the walk of shame. Which he is, he just doesn’t need anyone outside of his group knowing that. 

-

Nick wants to throw a party in celebration of Simon losing his virginity. Simon hard vetoes that idea. So instead the four of them settle for getting baked in Nick’s backyard and lounging in the sun. 

-

Ethan screams in excitement when he finds out and then immediately makes Simon go to the clinic to get tested just in case. It’s… an experience. He’s clean though. Phew.

-

And the summer crawls and speeds by all at once. Simon goes to a few more parties, dances with Abby and one memorable time with Leah, and plays dumb drinking games. He and Leah make a few trips into the city to check out record stores and sneak into bars to listen to whatever local bands Leah’s into for the week. Ethan and Abby gang up on him a few times for shopping trips to ‘up’ Simon’s wardrobe — Ethan’s there to make sure it’s gay, Abby’s there to make sure it’s still Simon. It also results in teaching Simon some makeup tips and RuPaul nights. Nick drags him off to parks so they can smoke in the woods and kick a soccer ball around, or in Simon’s case, trip over the soccer ball and gossip and joke around like the 14-year-old boys they’ll always be. He goes on camping trips with his family and never misses Bachelor Night, not for parties and not for Lucas. Of course, Simon does make time to go over to Lucas’ at least once or twice a week and get, as Ethan calls it, ‘gay sex-ucated’. 

-

The day before Leah leaves, the first of their group to head off to school, the whole crew gets together to have one last pool day at Garrett’s. Garrett’s parents aren’t home which means they can smoke and drink while they swim or lounge around poolside. Simon is currently in control of the music, but Nick has firmly vetoed any ‘emo shit’ so Simon’s playing the playlist Lucas made for him of all the best ‘chill’ 70s summer jams and refusing to let anyone change it. 

Simon’s a little surprised to see Bram’s girlfriend, Tori not here. She’s not part of the group or anything, but there’s very little summer left, and Simon figured they’d be attached at the hip like Nick and Abby are, even though they’re going to the same school. So Bram and Tori should be like double attached at the hip, because Bram’s going to school in California and Simon doesn’t know where Tori is going, but probably not California. And not that anyone is asking, but if Simon was dating a guy as cute as Cute Bram Greenfeld, he’d be clingy as hell as the summer wound down, but that’s just Simon and again, no one’s asking. 

Simon likes watching his friends flail around in the pool, or at least he likes watching Garrett and Nick try and play one-on-one in the pool while Bram laughingly attempts to ref. Abby would normally be in the pool rough housing with the other boys, but as for now, she’s multitasking a bong and painting her toe nails.

Simon leans over Leah who’s sketching between them and jokingly tells Abby, “If I were gayer, I think watching you juggle the bong and nail polish is when I’m supposed to say ‘Yas Queen’.” Leah snorts under him and Abby chokes on her smoke. 

“ _Simon!_ ” She giggles. “Leah smack him for me!” And without any hesitation, Leah smacks him on the thigh. Simon sticks his tongue out at Leah. She can’t see it, but he knows she knows. 

Abby gestures to bong, “You guys want any though?” Both Leah and Simon shake their heads. Simon took exactly one hit from a bong once and greened out on accident and now avoids them. Joints and pipes only for him. Speaking of which, he’s got his own joint somewhere, he just needs a relight. 

“What color are you putting on today?” He asks as he looks around for the lighter next. Abby hands him hers with a smile,

“Yellow, wanna see?” He nods, placing the j between his lips and holding up the lighter. Abby shows off her hands, letting him take in the light yellow. It’s a very pretty color. Very summery. “Si, you want me to paint yours? I’m almost done with my toes.” He takes a drag.

Simon hesitates and Leah leans her shoulder against his rips, gentle and supportive. “Yeah, ok. Thanks, Abs.” Abby smiles brightly at him and he can’t help but beam back.

-

Later that evening they’re all surrounding the fire pit and toasting marshmallows in the fading evening light, when Simon catches Bram staring at him, or more specifically at his hands. Simon blushes. Garrett notices Bram staring and bumps him in the side with his elbow before noticing the nail polish himself.

“Whoa, Spier!” Garrett exclaims. “Nice nails!” Simon can’t help the smile, Garrett’s a very genuine guy. Garrett jabs at Bram again. Bram doesn’t move.

“Thanks, Abby painted them for me earlier.” 

“They’re pretty!” Bram blurts and immediately begins to inspect the bottom of his sandal. Simon can’t help how cute he finds Bram, but he puts those bubbly feelings on lock down. 

“Thanks, Bram.” Simon says softly and turns back to his already flaming marshmallow. “ _Fuck!_ ” 

-

Even later that night everyone’s leaving, hugging and kissing Leah goodbye because she’s leaving early in the morning to drive up to New York with her mom. Simon leans down and crushes her to his chest, suddenly crumbling of the weight of their goodbyes, this realization that he’s not going to see Leah until maybe Thanksgiving or not even until winter break. What’re they supposed to do without each other?

“What’re we supposed to do without each other?” She mumbles into his chest and he just holds her tighter. 

“We’re gonna text and FaceTime like crazy.” He says into her hair, committing the smell of strawberries and kiwi conditioner with a hint of campfire smoke to memory. “And you’re gonna go to New York become a famous artist and kick so. Much. Ass. And you’re gonna go out and meet people and you’re gonna meet tons of cute girls and guys to date and make all kinds of new friends. And you’re going to be amazing, like always.”

She hiccups a laugh into his shirt and tightens her arms around him. “And you, Simon Spier… you’re already so much more confident and sure of who you are than you were months ago and you’re only going to continue to grow. You inspire me, you know?” Simon sniffles. “You’re going to shine so bright in California, I can feel it Si, so you better believe it. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He presses a long kiss to the crown of her hair. The pair of best friends pull away and smile at each other warm and teary eyed. 

-

Simon wakes up at 5 in the morning to his phone buzzing. Groggily, he reaches for it and answers, speech slurred with sleep.

“Si?” At the sound of her panicked voice he immediately starts to wake up.

“Leah?” 

“Simon, what if I’m not ready?” He can’t help but let out a sigh of relief. 

“Leah, listen to me. You’re ready, you’ve been ready since junior year.”

“Okay, okay you’re right…” She mumbles. “Si?”

“Yeah, Leah?”

“I love you.” He laughs,

“I love you too. Call me when you get to New York.”

-

The end ends with Leah leaving for New York. The end ends with Bram breaking up with Tori. The end ends with Bram, Garrett, and Nick heading out to their respective schools early for soccer season, Nick squeezes Simon so tight Simon can’t breathe but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He smiles and wishes Bram and Garrett safe travels, knowing he’ll see them in a week or two. 

The end ends with Simon going with Abby to a tattoo parlor where she gets a little strawberry inked into the inside of her ankle and her managing to talk him into getting one piercing, a gold ring on the shell of his right ear. 

The end ends with one last night out at the club with Ethan and Lucas, two days before he’s set to leave for the west coast. They dance for hours and when Simon gets ready to leave to spend his last night with Lucas, Ethan envelops him in a long hug, 

“You snuck up on me, Simone. If someone told me at the start of senior year that you, Simon Spier, would be my new gay best friend, I’d’ve had them committed. But I’m glad. You better text me, bitch. I will need details.” 

The end ends with one last amazing night with Lucas, one last morning after in his cozy apartment eating huevos rancheros and singing along to Fleetwood Mac. The end ends with Lucas driving Simon back to Creekwood for the first and last time, kissing him long and deep in the Spier driveway and waving goodbye as Simon steps back into his parents’ house. 

The end ends with one last Nora made breakfast before they’re supposed to hit to the road. The end ends with getting into the car to begin the long drive to San Francisco with all of his stuff packed into his Subaru and his parent’s SUV. The end ends with the road-trip/leaving home playlist he’s been creating with Leah and Lucas, cued up and ready, starting with Fleetwood Mac's Go Your Own Way. The end ends with Creekwood in his rearview mirror, Simon’s eyes on the horizon and 2, 473.9 miles to go.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my God. This was supposed to be a little one-shot companion piece to another one shot I'm writing about Bram that was just supposed to quickly breeze through high school and focus on college and Simon's gay transformation but then I started writing and by the end of their summer I was 8,000 words deep... with ANOTHER companion piece in the early stages! Christ. 
> 
> Fortunately I finished my second year of university like three weeks ago or something, so I've got nothing but free time. 
> 
> Ethan's role in this story was not planned at all. But he blossomed and I love him.


End file.
